tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47129880310733850152024-03-05T01:08:55.758-08:00TOPICS - RENEWING THE AFRICAN MINDSETRenewing the African Mindsethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10679720592643387080noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4712988031073385015.post-27733846410415187882018-12-13T04:50:00.001-08:002018-12-13T04:50:14.075-08:00Embracing Adoption
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Adoption
within the African community is not new. People have adopted this practice for
centuries in the form of taking care of a relative, assisting a Sister,
Brother, Cousin, etc. However, Africans never gave it a label as the 'Adoptee'
is seen as a member of the family and no one would have known any different if
the 'Adopter' or Adoptive Parent(s) never mentioned the relationship to anyone.
However, it is the Western World that has labelled such arrangement as
'Adoption'. The reason is because in the Western World, proper records are kept
and so in case of any medical condition in future, the appropriate treatment
would be given. More importantly, should the Adopted child wish to trace his or
her birth parents, it will be very easy to do so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">With
Africans, it is a totally different perception because the mind has been
conditioned that an African Woman must and should be able to have biological
children. When there is delayed parenthood, the in-laws begin to put pressure
on the couple and for the weak-minded, they can do the unthinkable. Some lose
their confidence, whilst others fall into depression - more so when the husband
decides to have children out of wedlock or marries another wife. The saddest
aspect is that in some parts of the African continent, there is a growing trend
of 'Baby Factories' - where 16 - 18 year old girls or even younger, are
impregnated by men in their 30s - just for women rich enough to buy the babies
and present to unsuspecting family members, and unknown to their husbands, that
they have been delivered of a baby in a far away 'hospital'. For those brave
enough to lie about the 'bought' babies, they live with the lie for a very long
time until a medical situation occurs which necessitates blood transfusion or
when the family decides to migrate from Africa and DNA is required. The
pressure on the woman is even greater when religious organisations in
particular, the churches begin to preach - "there shall nothing cast their
young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil"
(Exodus 23:26). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Some women are made to feel that they lack enough faith to
believe that God will answer their prayers. They therefore, refuse to adopt and
decide to 'wait upon the Lord' for several decades or for ever without having
their biological children. People should be reminded that the 'barrenness'
being referred to could also mean financial or marital lack and other forms of
activities one ought to achieve.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">It
would help if Clerics, as part of their 'Corporate Social Responsibility', lead
by example by adopting children (particularly preachers who have delayed
parenthood) and preach about the unconditional love of caring for another human
being. To treat the adopted child/children as their own flesh and blood - and
not as domestic servants. <b><i><span style="border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;">Surely, then, the world would
be a better place for all</span></i></b>. Those in the public eye perceived as
role models and who were adopted, could, as part of their 'Individual Social
Responsibility' help change mindsets, by making public declaration of their own
adoption. Several thousands, if not millions of babies' lives have been robbed
of better future due to the fact that they were abandoned and not adopted.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">It
has to be noted that some Orphanages and Foundations which take care of
children, have been established by several people who can afford to do so. The
mindsets seem to be changing about adoption. It is a gradual process for people
to embrace adoption. Recognised adoption agencies need to publicise adoption
and provide the necessary support to those willing to adopt. There is a
misconception that adoption is only for people who have no children. People who
already have biological children can also adopt, including lone parents. What
is paramount is the AGAPE LOVE (Greco-Christian terminology which means the
love that 'embraces a universal, unconditional love that transcends and
persists regardless of circumstance. for another human being'). In this season
of good tidings, if convenient for you, be part of this humanitarian belief
system. You do not have to be a global philanthropist before you make your own
contribution to the enrichment of the human race.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">If
you feel touched by this Article, please visit <a href="http://www.renewingafricanmindset.org/">www.renewingafricanmindset.org</a> www.renewingafricanmindset.org or
contact us at info@renewingafricanmindset.org for more information</span><span style="font-family: "Times","serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment--><br />Renewing the African Mindsethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10679720592643387080noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4712988031073385015.post-16553900388446718722012-08-14T10:54:00.002-07:002012-08-14T11:01:23.754-07:00Adoption<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">OBJECTIVES<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></b></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To create awareness about Adoption and Fostering<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To know the differences between Fostering & Adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To highlight the benefits of Adoption & Fostering.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To promote adoption within the Afro-Caribbean Community.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To provide guidance and support for Prospective and/or
Adoptive Parents.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To promote multi-cultural adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To change <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mindset</i>
that you have to be married to be an Adoptive or Foster Parent.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">To break the myth that you can only adopt/foster a child if
you are childless.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">OUTCOMES</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Be
more informed about various options in Adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To
realise mutual benefits that could be derived by the adopted child and adoptive
parent.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To
realise the need for and how to access relevant and appropriate level of
support. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Symbol; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">Realise
that inability to conceive does not prevent you from giving unconditional love
to </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;"> another person’s child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">TARGET AUDIENCE<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></i></b></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Both
male and female, irrespective of marital status and ethnic background.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Age
Group – 18 years and above<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">All
Nationalities<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">FACTS ABOUT ADOPTION & FOSTERING IN THE UK<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Adoption </span></b><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">- is a way of providing a new family for children who cannot be brought
up by their own parents.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is a legal procedure in
which all the parental responsibility is transferred to the Adoptive Parents or
Adopters.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once an adoption
order has been granted, it <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>cannot</u></b>
be reversed except in extremely rare circumstances (which to date has never
been done in the United Kingdom). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>An Adopted Child
loses all the legal ties with their first mother and father (the ‘birth
parents’) and becomes a full member of the new family, usually taking the
family’s name.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Adoption is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">permanent</i> and a new birth certificate
for the child is issued from the Adopted Children Register.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Fostering</b> – usually a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">temporary
arrangement</i>. This long term or ‘permanent’ fostering cannot provide the
same legal security as adoption for either the child or the foster family. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Foster Carers
share the responsibility for the child with a local authority and/or the
child’s birth parents.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Who can Adopt or Foster?</b></div>
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<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 14.2pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -14.2pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span>There are no set rules regarding skills
and qualities required to adopt or foster a child or group of
siblings, provided you:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 14.2pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -14.2pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>are willing to
learn and seek support</div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 14.2pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -14.2pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>have space in
your home</div>
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>can value the
child’s past experiences</div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 14.2pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -14.2pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>like children and
are able to communicate and try to understand them</div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 14.2pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: -14.2pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>patient,
sensitive, flexible, adaptable, emotionally resilient, have lots of energy and
a sense of humour, can remain committed t the child through varying challenging
times</div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">l<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>ideally have some
experiences of caring for children </div>
<div class="MediumGrid21" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 18pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: justify; text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-bidi-font-family: Wingdings; mso-fareast-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">v<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span>Support and
training are provided throughout the assessment process to prepare for the
life-changing experience.<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></div>
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Once
adopted, the religion of the child would no longer be paramount according to
the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Open Neon Sign</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Provided the Adoptive Parents meet all the
needs of a family, the child would have to imbibe the same religion as his or
her adoptive parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, if the
adoptive parents are flexible, the child could practice any religion.</div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Summary of Discussions<o:p></o:p></strong></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">The event took place on Friday 5 July 2012 at the Westminster City Hall in Victoria, London. In attendance was a representative of the British Association of Adoption & Fostering (BAAF) - a Consultant on Private Fostering & Black Minority Ethnic Issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">Guests also included four African Adoptive Parents who shared their personal and emotional stories.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the first segment of the programme, in order to assess level of understanding of the attendees, there was a brain-storming session on the differences between Adoption and Fostering.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: large;">REAL LIFE STORIES OF FOUR ADOPTIVE
AFRICAN PARENTS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">Four
families shared their emotional stories in pursuit of having children they can
love. </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: large;">Case Study 1<o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
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</span><span lang="EN-US"> A Nigerian Woman
in her late 40s based in the United Kingdom and married for 22 years with no
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a lot of soul-searching,
she decided to opt for adoption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During
her very trying period, was advised by an Uncle to have children outside the
marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she refused as she
felt it was the greatest betrayal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With
her Mother’s support, she adopted an abandoned girl of one day old from the
Western part of Nigeria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
inter-country adoption process which entailed a rigorous assessment of the couple,
took 9 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This involved the couple
travelling to Nigeria to meet officials of the Adoption Centre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Woman said having a child she could call
her own was worth all the pain she had endured and would have opted for
adoption much earlier, if she had known about the different options. However,
she said she believed that the time was right to make such life-changing
decision. Their daughter is now 3 years old.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: large;">Case Study 2<o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">A Nigerian Man in
his early 50s based in the United Kingdom was married for over 15 years with no
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His wife had a medical problem
and had suffered two miscarriages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, despite numerous suggestions from family and friends to have children
with another woman outside wedlock, he refused and remained faithful to his
wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he considered surrogacy
but his wife refused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said he was
encouraged by his brother-in-law whose first child was adopted before he and his
wife conceived naturally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Nigerian
man and his wife later adopted a two year old Ugandan boy whose mother could no
longer take care of him in the United Kingdom. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four years later, the couple conceived
naturally and had their first child, followed by another the following
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The adopted boy is now 8 years old
and very much loved by the couple as their two other natural children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The couple remains in contact with the
natural mother of their adopted son, through the ‘Letter Box Contact’ – a
process which involves writing letters and sending photographs of the child to
his mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man is a role model for
the Afro-Caribbean Community, a member of the Croydon Adoption Panel and he campaigns
for the Adoption of abandoned children in the United Kingdom – whom he calls
the “Voiceless Children”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has been on
several Talk Shows and Seminars both in the United Kingdom and Nigeria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was recently invited to Number 10 Downing
Street (the official residence of the British Prime Minister) for a meeting on
Adoption.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: large;">Case Study 3</span></span></u></b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span><span lang="EN-US">A Ghanaian Woman
in her early 50s based in the United Kingdom, married for 24 years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had conceived seven times through IVF
(In Vitro Fertilisation) but on each occasion, had still births.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The marriage broke up due to her ‘obsession
to have children’ of her own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
remarried but still had no children and decided to adopt a child from Ghana
through a friend who had an NGO (non-governmental organisation) for abandoned
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was introduced to an
abandoned girl aged 3 months old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
woman had to undergo laborious assessment which lasted 7 months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the child was abandoned, she also had to
endure intensive medical examination to rule out any genetic disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The child was eventually adopted at 2 years
old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The woman said after her adoption,
her brother was also encouraged to adopt children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The adopted child is now 8 years old and
waiting to join her adopted mother in the United Kingdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the interim, the Ghanaian travels
regularly to see her daughter.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Case Study 4<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A Nigerian Man in
his early 50s who discovered at the age of 16 that the woman whom he thought
was his natural sister (aged 26 at the time) was actually adopted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The astonishing discovery was when the sister
was getting married and his parents declared that since her father was still
alive, he would have to be notified of the impending marriage (of his
daughter).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Nigerian man said it was
then revealed that his sister’s mother, a relation of the family, died shortly
after giving birth to her and that as his parents were newly wed, they decided
accept her as their own child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
parents later went on to have several natural children together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The adopted sister who is now in her 60s also
has natural children of her own.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">CONCLUSIONS</span></b><span lang="EN-US">:</span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The mindsets of Africans
would need to change, especially since it has always been the general belief
that in the case of infertility, the woman is the one with the problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recent surveys have indicated that a large
percentage of men also have problems conceiving due to either low sperm count
or other medical problem, which at times, go undetected (due to denials from
men that they might have problems).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">African men would, in
pursuit of having children,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>continue to
marry different women so as to prove their masculinity as some erroneously<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>perceive women as ‘failures’ if they could
not conceive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The irony is that both
parties might not have any medical problem, yet unable to conceive which could
just simply mean that they are medically incompatible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, it is imperative that couples or
prospective parents understand the reason why they are opting for either
adoption or fostering and are prepared to give unconditional love to the
adopted or fostered child.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is an urgent need for
people, particularly the Afro-Caribbean and Asian Communities to consider
adoption or fostering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many
children waiting on the Adoption Register who desperately need to be in a
loving family environment.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The disadvantaged groups are
Black boys who wait the longest on the Adoption Register.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, as the children become older,
it becomes more difficult to place them with adoptive families.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Renewing the African Mindsethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10679720592643387080noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4712988031073385015.post-35209631532253678572012-06-22T11:46:00.001-07:002012-06-22T11:50:51.866-07:00Relationship - Part 2<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><strong><span style="font-size: small;">A. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Conflict Management / Tolerance Level</span></strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-US">Conflict was defined as dispute between parties – where communication breaks down or is not effectively channeled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was noted that couples failed to </span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">realise</span><span lang="EN-US"> that the ways in which matters are handled in Africa, with access to domestic staff tasked with different chores, cannot generally be replicated in the Diaspora, except for a few lucky ones with enormous wealth who can afford domestic staff. In the Western world, most people would have to do almost everything by themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was the unanimous belief that not changing the mindset would lead an African man living in the Western world to make several seemingly unreasonable demands on the woman – a situation which evidently would lead to irreconcilable differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another perspective was that if personal conflicts (as the mind has different facets of which emotion is one) have not been appropriately resolved, such unresolved issues would ultimately have negative impact on the relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: small;">It was observed that the African culture is gradually being eroded by the Western culture. In the African culture, the involvement of both families provides an avenue for conflict resolution, where the ‘head of the family’ of either party would be consulted for advice and adjudication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Jewish and Asian communities were cited as examples of cultures where, irrespective of their place of residence, try to maintain their sense of cultural identity and community spirit. A significant point highlighted was the fact that Africans who seek advice from Pastors, fail to realise that the Biblical principles quoted in resolving disputes were based on the Jewish culture – in which some aspects were irrelevant to the African culture.</span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-size: small;">B. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Anger Management</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Anger was said to be the pinnacle of one’s emotion. To avoid a situation where one loses control, the other party in the relationship must endeavour to know the tell-tale signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Furthermore, the angry person must be aware when he or she was about to lose control. It was affirmed that couples should know how to complement each other – their likes and dislikes, personalities in terms of one being an extrovert and the other probably, an introvert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, it is imperative to strike a balance in order to ensure that the relationship works. There was the general belief that the best approach to deal with anger was to remain calm and ‘talk to one’s inner self’.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">C. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Coping with Loneliness within and outside a Relationship</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Learning to live with loneliness was said to be crucial to one’s mental state of mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women are believed to struggle with this aspect, even whilst in a relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a marriage, some women are said to be ‘business widows’ where the husbands are always away from home on <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>business trips, leaving their wives for lengthy periods of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The wives, especially the homely type, could find it extremely difficult to cope with the demands of maintaining a family by themselves (even when money was not a problem).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ironically, few men were said to be ‘business widowers’ as they married women who were top professionals whose job responsibilities involved a lot of travelling, leaving the husbands to take care of the home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Another dimension was that even though some people were alone, they were not lonely, as they enjoyed their solitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An individual must be able to ascertain their individuality – a state of ‘finding oneself’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some people were said to seek company of others because they are not at peace with themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was expressed that having a companion was not a guarantee for lifelong happiness, unless both parties were able to add value to each other’s life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise, one party would be seen as a parasite or liability.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Suggested ways of coping with loneliness – </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Networking – attending relevant functions, parties, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so as to meet people; </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Be active, volunteer for different charities;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Perform physical and mental exercises – go to the gym, read motivational books;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Get involved in local community projects;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Go on holiday;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Fulfil a passion such as writing, studying, painting, photography, etc.;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Join a social network (for all the right reasons);</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Recreate – do something else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Avoid boredom or routine living.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">D. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Warning Signals / Signs of Cry for help</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Based on his professional experiences, the Psychiatrist advised that warning signals should be taken seriously to prevent someone from committing suicide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also suggested that people should be tactful when giving advice to those going through a traumatic period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He recommended that one should be mindful of negative words such as ‘come on, get on with it’, ‘you are not the only one’, ‘pull yourself together’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These words were said to be judgmental and depict the addressee as a ‘weakling’ who could not cope with the pressures of life. He emphasised the need to empathise with people and endeavour to seek help on their behalf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">He further explained that when an individual use words like ‘what is the point in living?’, ‘I am fed up with everything!’, ‘why is it only me going through these problems?’, ‘I need to sort my life out now’, I can’t go on’, any interested party should not just listen, but act quickly as the individual under stress could be heading for a total mental breakdown, or worse, suicide.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Examples of Warning signs:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Self-neglect (unkempt appearance); </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Constant crying or tearfulness;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Poor concentration;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Excessive drinking or eating;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Diminished / excessive sleep;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Physical tell tale signs (e.g. black eyes);</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Feeling melancholic all the time (hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness);</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>‘Anhedonia’ – reduced ability/complete inability to enjoy things or experience pleasure, particularly as regards activities that an individual previously enjoyed;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>De-motivation;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Fluctuation in eating habits;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Craving for sugary drinks;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Tiredness;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Absent-mindedness.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">E. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Moving On</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">‘Moving on’ was said to be a cliché - an expression which could easily be misconstrued. In Relationship Part 1, ‘Moving on’ was defined as change in life-style (e.g. becoming more outgoing), location, career, change of wardrobe & hairstyle, and possibly, re-marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">A guest, having been married four times, unequivocally stated that the most important aspect was to find out exactly what an individual was ‘moving on’ from?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He emphasised that without self-analysis and a real understanding of the cause of the unpleasant episode, the individual might just have implemented a superficial and temporary measure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The psychological aspect, which is the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mindset,</i> would have to change so as not to repeat the mistake of the past.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An expert on Female Mutilation Genitalia (FMG) declared that it was a therapeutic exercise to want to change or explore other areas of one’s life which might have been dormant.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">F.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Basis of a Good Relationship</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Shared goal and agreement of what the relationship is about, in order to guard against false or unrealistic expectations;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Couple to know themselves (the enabling objective of coming together in the first place);</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Not taking each other for granted;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Mutual trust and respect;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Open-mindedness;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Effective communication - no assumption of each other’s feelings or misconception of what was, or should have been, said.<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">G. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>Support Groups</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It was the general belief that majority of the Support Groups based in the United Kingdom are not equipped to address matters specific to the Africans in Diaspora. Some Support Groups have since realised this deficiency and a representative from the Relate North West London Counselling Service specifically stated that they were currently in the process of revising their approach in order to accommodate aspects of the African culture, with a view to providing<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the appropriate service to the African ethnic communities.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Useful Support Groups:</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Family members (elderly role models usually respected by all); </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Trusted Friends; </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Local Faith Groups (Church, Mosque etc.) – without being judgemental and properly trained in Counselling;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Relate*;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>GP;</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Samaritans*</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span>Heart 2 Heart*.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: small;">*amongst numerous Professional Support Groups based in the United Kingdom</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">The internet was said to be a good source of information on several Support Groups focused on specific areas of relationships.</span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Points to Note:</span></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 10pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Effective communication is paramount in any relationship.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Mindset </span><span lang="EN-US">needs to be reviewed as life is dynamic. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Parties in the relationship should be prepared to adapt and be proactive in sustaining the relationship.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Avoid any threat of violence.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">African Diaspora couples should learn how to manage the African and Western cultures effectively.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Do not take each other for granted, and work to understand your partner better.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">When issues arise, it is best to deal with it decisively, immediately, and amicably.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Learn to control your anger and know your tolerance level.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Be engaged in hobbies of interest to you.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Find your own happiness within and outside of a relationship.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Be patient with your partner in any conflict situation, and work to understand his or her views.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Before committing to a relationship, it is imperative to understand your partner enough to feel that the relationship has a good chance of success.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Changing aspects of one’s life must have a valid reason and be mutually beneficial.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">A cry for help should not be seen as a weakness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Different people with different thresholds.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Do not be judgmental about people’s challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Empathise and do not criticise.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Endeavour to discuss problems with trusted friends, family members and external Support Groups.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Do not let mistakes of the past overwhelm you; use them as lessons learned in ‘moving on’.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Know the reason for ‘moving on’ and remain focused on achieving your objectives.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Be honest with yourself and know what you want out of life.</span></div>Renewing the African Mindsethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10679720592643387080noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4712988031073385015.post-54709912762228567622012-06-20T04:34:00.000-07:002012-06-22T11:48:04.588-07:00Relationship - Part 1<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;">
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<strong><u>AIM</u></strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">To identify aspects of our lives that have been conditioned by our mindsets which have made it very difficult to change, even though there are situation which confirm the need to change and have better life enrichment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt;">OBJECTIVES</span></u></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To have an open forum/dialogue with the intent on improving relationships with partners.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To change mindsets and be more open with matters that seem challenging and seek timely and appropriate support before a situation disintegrates.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To help individuals gain confidence and greater sense of control as they learn to cope effectively with challenges.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To understand the nature of any relationship, have the motivation and the right mindset to effect positive change.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To assess individual character traits as a way of avoiding repeat mistakes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt;">OUTCOMES</span></u></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hopeful that there is life after a traumatic relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To form new and healthy relationships with a new mindset.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Be focused on positive thinking.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To realise the need for and how to access relevant and appropriate level of support. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">To learn how to communicate freely and openly in a relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt;">TARGET AUDIENCE</span></u></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Both male and female, irrespective of marital status (single, married, divorced, separated, widowed)</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Age Group – from 18 years and above</span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 20pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Summary of Discussions</span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The inaugural and unique pioneering approach to </span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 12pt;">Renewing the African Mindset</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> took place on Thursday 5 April 2012 at a business centre location at London Bridge, in London.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The audience constituted an experienced Psychiatrist, General Practitioner, Psychologist and professionals from various sectors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Opening Discussion</i></b> segment gave the audience an opportunity to comment on various social aspects of what was perceived as the ‘African Mindset’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Comments ranged from how to deal with marital issues with a contingency plan in the event of a breakdown in a relationship, to parenting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a general consensus that individuals got involved in relationships with different expectations but the effective management of those expectations could still lead to having a rewarding relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The purpose of the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Opening Discussion</i></b>, from the standpoint of the Convener, was achieved in that it gauged the interaction of the audience and level of openness generated from the lively debate.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was a gender balance amongst the audience which facilitated the discussion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was particularly encouraging that the men were very forthright with their comments, which was an indication that African men no longer perceive it as a ‘weakness’ to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">openly </i>engage in such discussions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The entire audience expressed themselves in a non-judgemental manner.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the highlights of the segment was that majority of the audience felt that there could be times when one or both parties might wish to engage the involvement of a third party (trusted friends, family members or other support groups – experienced enough to make unbiased contributions with the intention of resolving the situation between the warring couple in an amicable manner).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In summary, as no one is static, change is inevitable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Therefore, a good self-appraisal (who you really are and your goals), taking into account the partner’s views and awareness of the situation in the relationship, are pivotal to a harmonious co-existence.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">SECOND HALF OF THE PROGRAMME</span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The African Mindset was defined as follows:</i></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">1.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The man is the head of the household and whatever he says is final irrespective of whether he is living up to the expectations of the wife.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">2.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There must be something wrong with a woman of a certain age who is unmarried and has no children.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">3.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The married woman with no children is deemed to have a problem with infertility, even though it could later turn out to be the husband. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">4.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Africans do not seek counselling from external support groups or agencies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family members are the only source of support as Africans should not be seen as ‘washing dirty linen in public’.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">5.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">An African married woman should strive to remain in the marriage no matter the level of unhappiness she is experiencing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">6.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Women must be solely dependent on Men.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">7.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Men should always be responsible for all financial commitments in the home.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">8.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Men are expected to pay when they take women out for meals.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">9.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Men do not show their emotions.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">10.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most Men indulge in extra-conjugal activities whilst it is totally unacceptable for women. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">*The above mindsets were based on a particular generation of Africans and still applicable to a minority of the current younger generation.</span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">B. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><u>Change</u></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Change was described as an evolving phenomenon and as a result, individuals should </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>be ready to adapt to circumstances in which they find themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the mindset to change, an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">individual</i> must be prepared and determined to change, as per the ‘Alcoholic model’. </span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">C. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><u>Impact of Marital Breakdown</u></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Psychiatrist gave an in-depth perspective of what might happen if an individual was not in control of his or her emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He cited real life examples of celebrities who had suffered as a result of marital breakdown - the impact of stress on an individual’s mental<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and physical<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>health (where in some cases may be severe – in terms of irrecoverable mental illness, cancer or even death).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Furthermore, he asserted that studies indicated that there was a higher increase of women-related cancer due to hormonal changes in the body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The common related health issues were depression and bi-polar disorder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">D. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><u>Moving On</u></span></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>‘Moving on’ was defined as change of life-style (e.g. becoming more outgoing), </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>location, career and re-marriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, very few people realised the need to </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">change the mindset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was the belief that some African women living in the Diaspora, due to economic and financial empowerment, especially in the western world, were </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>able to ‘move on’ with their lives, even if there was no contribution from the absent </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>partner. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ironically, this aspect was also seen as a contributing factor to why some women were no </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">longer willing to work hard at their marriages. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 14pt;">CONCLUSIONS</span></u></b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was the view that individuals should endeavour to strike a balance in both the African and Western cultures.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, to emulate and adopt best practices in both cultures and apply appropriately, without disrupting the core values of the relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">***If you knew <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">within your heart</i> that you were dissatisfied with the type of life you were living and you knew it could be better, there must be a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">desire to change the mindset</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">changing the mindset would be a matter of personal choice</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Points to Note:</span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you sign on the dotted line on the day of marriage, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be ready to share each other’s burdens</i>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Communication is very important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mindset needs to be reviewed as life is dynamic</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be adaptive and adoptive.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Expectations need to be managed effectively.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No one is going to make you happy, <u>except</u> yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be prepared to work on yourself if you want your relationship to work.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">personal choice</i> to want to change your mindset.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Realise the reason for change and be ready to change.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is insanity if you continue to repeat the same mistakes in every relationship and expect a different outcome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Learn from past mistakes committed in a previous relationship.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Compromise with your partner without losing your integrity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not lose yourself.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Happiness is eternal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It radiates from within.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A lot of healing takes place when you are ‘in a good place’.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every relationship is unique.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check yourself, your partner’s attitudes and apply advice appropriately.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Divorce does not end a relationship, it re-defines it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even if you marry your soul-mate, it does not guarantee a perfect marriage or partnership.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do not allow hatred or revenge to ruin your life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You cannot apply the same solution to different problems. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A problem shared is a problem half-solved.</span></span></div>Renewing the African Mindsethttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10679720592643387080noreply@blogger.com0